Fuck me in the ass……

“So many people that I want to kill……maybe I wont, maybe I will….” – GG Allin, “Legalize Murder”

I wanna bitch about stuff.

So lets bitch.

1) I fucking hate the word “artisan”. It’s so overdone. Everything is “artisan” this and “artisan” that. Can’t I just buy some fucking bread without having to make it “meaningful”? I dont care if it looks like something a servant made with his bare, chapped hands – I’m a fucking public servant and I just want some fucking bread with my soup.

2) I really try to like and understand Radiohead, but I’m sorry – they’re fucking pathetic. Ooooh! Let’s make every song sound like a weak ass 10CC rip off. You wanna hear some good 10CC rip-offs? Listen to AIR. Or HOW ABOUT JUST LISTENING TO 10CC????? I know they’re “70’s” and that may not be cool with you fucking hipsters, but at least it’s more “artisan” that fucking Radiohead.

3) So I bought this cute dress at Lane Giant to wear to the New Years Eve party, and I totally fucked it up. Besides it smelling like spilled Cape Cods and Djarums, I broke one of the ties, which is easy to fix, and then an ember from the fire got on my dress and burned a big fucking hole in it. My friend Crystal said she’ll try to fix it, so lets all hope and pray that she can and it wont look “artisan”.

Here’s a pic of the dress (yes, that’s my fat ass getting spanked by Kim):

4) Fat Goo LOVES Bad Company. Crystal asked if I could put some of her CD’s on her iPod she got for Christmas, so I said sure and one of them is the first Bad Company album. And that’s another thing that brings my piss to a boil – the band is called BAD COMPANY, the album is called BAD COMPANY, and their hit song from the album is called BAD COMPANY. And don’t get me started about General Public! Anyways, as soon as it came on the iTunes, Fat Goo jumped on my lap and started to purr. Great, my cat is a fucking “artisan” 70’s cock rocker.

5) So I’ve been anemic lately (no joke), so I decided to get a big burger and some finger chilli from Wendy’s tonight afte work. Because of my diet, it’s been ages since I’ve eaten at Wendys. First off, the chilli looked like shit:

That white shit is cheese. They asked me if I wanted cheese and onions and I said yes. But it would have been nice if the fucking finger chilli was HOT so the cheese would actually MELT. And then they give you these in your bag:

They’re called “Wendy’s Hot Chilli Seasoning”. I guess they have to make their bland chilli even blander for all of the pussys, so they just give you some packets of shit to add to it if you like your food even the slightest bit spicy. So I add THREE packets of this crap, and basically it’s vinegar and spice, but it looks like a big greasy puddle of Olestra shits in the middle of your chilli:

Wow, that’s so “artisan” of Wendys. But actually, it did help with the flavor. If only the chilli was physically hot, it wouldn’t have been a bad bowl of slop.

6) I was at Walgreens and it was probably a couple days after Christmas (but definately before New Years) and they had all of their Valentines Day shit out already and a coupon for Cadbury Cream Eggs in their circular. Dont get me wrong – I love those “artisan” candy eggs, with their cream insides looking like REAL eggys. But fuck! It’s not even close to Easter and they’re already getting a head start??? That’s why when you go into places like Walgreens and Rite-Aid after a holiday, they have a TON of holiday shit clearenced. Why do they have so much left? BECAUSE EVERY ONE GOT SICK OF IT AND STOCKED UP TWO MONTHS BEFORE THE ACTUAL FUCKING HOLIDAY! Good – that means more Robins Eggs and those $.99 cent chocolate marshmallow eggs in a real egg carton left for me AFTER Easter Sunday.

I’m done bitching. Now I’m going night-night in my cold bed in my dumpy house with my fucking hippie cat.

It’s so artisan.