Let’s go to The Big No

On January 18th, I will once again be making a weekend trip to The Big No, to visit a good friend of mine. And to go record shopping. I’m on the hunt for a specific album, and you know how us Music Snobs will travel to the ends of the earth for a certain record.

I actually enjoy my trips to Fresno. It’s nice to get away from the homestead once in a while, and of course it’s nice to be visiting my friend Ron. It’s nice because I actually can relax - we just sit around and watch TV, eat, read comic books, go drinking, go thrifting, or anything like that. Yes I do that here at home, but here I have the constant reminder of chores, bills and bullshit.
I actually love the city of Fresno physically. It has some great old neighborhoods and a really great downtown area. I love how varied Fresno’s architecture is - you’ll have a turn-of-the-century neighborhood next to a post-war paradise, with some sick 70’s, art deco, and streamline moderne sprinkled through out. Since Fresno is in the middle of nowhere, it just keeps spreading out (like your mom) instead of tearing down and building on top. And I love the concentration of old theaters in downtown Fresno. As a matter of fact, one of the best times of my life was in one of those theaters.
Ron’s brother worked at the Warnor’s Theater (no it’s not WarnER’s) and he invited us down to check the place out, plus they had an organ player there practicing for an upcoming show. So with the old-school pipe organ (huh huh) music in the background, we crawled around and investigated the theater. It was magnificent, and I really wish I had a real camera with me. All I had was my camera phone, so the pictures weren’t of the best quality ( I’ll post the pics when I get back from work tonight).
I’ve had some great times in Fresno. Twice I’ve gotten so fucked up I’ve traveled time. I’ve eaten some great food (and Sonic, which is pure fucking crap. I’d rather eat Arby’s. At least Sonic has tater tots!). I’ve gotten sun burned hanging out in that stupid fucking fairy tale park with a bunch of role-playing nerds (LONG story), I saw a Joe Dirt look-a-like at The Brig, I saw Morrissey in concert there, and I had the BEST Moons Over My Hammy I’ve ever had in my life.
That’s how life is in The Big No. It’s cheesy with the slightest bit of farm bred ghettoness.
And that’s why I like to visit.
Oh, and Ron also has Something Weird On-Demand on his cable.

Yes people - Fresno had a “Bar Mobile” at one time. I’d get one of those for here at The Ranch, but the wheels would get stuck in the mud

The sign for this motel is amazing, but look at what’s at the motel - it fucking says “HOUSE OF RIBS” and it has a PIG on it! If I was driving down Blackstone and saw that pig beckoning me to eat his ribs, I’d fucking do it, then waddle out to the back seat of the car, and die a happy woman with BBQ sauce on my face. And you know I’d go in there and say “How much for a rib?” in my best Chris Rock voice.