C is for Cockroaches

Years ago in some magazine I published (plus I think it was a blog too) I did an article called “Perverted Sounding Restaurants That Didn’t Pass the Health Inspection”.

I’m sorry, but the 12 yeard old boy in me loves any dirty restaurant with “Ho” in the title.

So once again, I was checking the restaurant ratings for Los Angeles County (the reason will be revealed in a future blog I’m working on). And I just felt like being sassy!

The following restaurants scored a “C” grade or below on their last health inspection. My “oh-so-witty” comments (sic) will be in bold italics.

ABC COMMISSARY (No wonder the writers are on strike)ASIAN BUFFET (Fuck that’s a creative name for a restaurant)

ASSI SUPER DELI (Hmm, this sub sandwich tastes a little ASSI….)

BERTHA’S SOUL FOOD (Hello? Best restaurant name ever!)

CHILBO MYUNOK (Will you Chilbo My Unok?)

CHINESE COMMITTEE ON AGING (I cant even think of anything to say about this one)

CHO DANG TOFU RESTAURANT (“Get cho dang tofu out of my kitchen!”)

DADDY’S BURRITOS (Sounds like something Chris Hansen would read from a Dateline Predator transcript)

DADDY’S DONUTS (See above comment)

EAST DUMPLING KING (I guess I get to be the Wicked Dumpling Queen of the West)

FEEDABLE B.B.Q. BUFFET (The food’s not great, but it’s feedable….to dogs!)

HAPPY HOUSE (I have to say the name of this restaurant in my “Siouxsie” voice)

HAPPY LUNCH TO GO (No emo lunch to go?)

HOLLYWOOD CATERER COMMISSARY (And you wonder why they stars are all skinny)

HONG KONG FISHBALL HOUSE (Can I have extra balls with my fish? Thank you.)

HOOPER MARKET (Mr. Hooper is alive and well in Los Angeles? Shhh….don’t tell Big Bird!)

HO WIN ENTERPRISES (Fuck you – my ho win the prize for “Least amount of shaving bumps”)

JEAN P’S SOUL FOOD EXPRESS (I have this album…)

JU MAK SEVENTY-FOUR (“Ju mak onry $74 dorrars at Ho Contest?”)

KAY’S DONUT WHITE HOUSE REST. (I love presidential doughnuts!)

KING DUMPLING (East Dumpling King’s Dad)

LOLLICUP (Two girls, one lollicup?)

LONG LIFE, INC (Not if you eat here….)

MORE MORE TEA HOUSE (How do you like it? How do you like it?)

MY HANH RESTAURANT (How do you like my hanh on stroking your….)

NEW ASIA BUFFET (Old Asia Buffet better watch the fuck out!)

OFF THE WALL CATERING (The sign hanging over the buffet is “Don’t Stop to You Get Enough!”)

RESTAURANTE TIJUANA #2 (Donkey Show nightly, at 8:00pm and 10:00pm)

SAM’S KOSHER BAKERY (It bothers me that a KOSHER bakery failed the health inspection)

SANCHEZ BROS. MEXICAN PRODUCTS (This one is just too easy….)

S M AND BS LIQUORS INC (Freemy and I are into S&M, and then I have to hear his BS for the rest of the night)

SOON PEACE BBQ RESTAURANT (No Bush jokes please – that’s SOOOOOOOO 2004!)

SUSHI GO 55 (Sammy Hagar’s favorite!)

TAPIOCA EXPRESS (Missy and I will go here for Tropicana Pudding. (Inside joke))

TASTY HOUSE (So you want to eat at Myrtle’s tasty house?)

THE NILE CHICKEN PYRAMID (“Um, salmonella, crispy skin, dark meat, ass stench….” “What is The Nile Chicken Pyramid?”)

YI MEI DELI (“Oh! My asshole hurts from shitting all night – yi mei?”)

YUKI SUSHI (See? The name TELLS you the place is disgusting!)

Yes, I know these are totally retarded. But I’m fucking tired, and I just cant perform for you on demand, ok? I’m not a fucking jukebox! (Sorry Marky for stealing your line right there)