Pick Up Stix Shitz

Healthy Chinese food is such an oxy-moron, like “jumbo shrimp” and “Armenian with a big cock”. Homemade Chinese food is pretty decent for you , but fast food Chinese food is such a fucking joke – you might as well throw fried noodles on a salt lick.

“YOU EAT EGGRO NOWWWWW!”

Pick Up Stix (hereby referred to as PUS) promotes itself as “healthy Chinese food” because they use “fresh ingredients” and cook it “fresh and made to order”. Big fucking deal. Here are the reasons why I hate PUS:

1) For a place that brags about everything being fresh, why don’t you ever see the ingredients, or the food, until you get it? At least when you eat at a Magic Lucky Happy Wok type place, you can see the food sitting in a tray in front of you, so right there you can decide if you want to eat it or not. Panda Express has bins of fresh cut vegetables sitting in the refrigerator behind the cashier, so the public can see that they’re not fucking around.

2) Since they cook it “fresh” nothing is ever the same twice. The only dish I regularly get there is the Hot & Sour Soup, and every time it’s different – sometimes it’s dark, sometimes its diarrhea tan, sometimes its thick, sometimes thin, sometimes it’s hot and sour, sometimes it’s bland, etc… They also need to stop with the “made to order” shit because they never get it right. My order isn’t very complicated – Hot & Sour Soup with no tofu and extra green onions. They’re usually pretty good about the “no tofu” thing, but when I get it, it’ll either have NO green onions at all, or no eggs, or no chicken or extra carrots. Granted, I know none of the chefs can speak/read/write english, but COME THE FUCK ON – don’t say you’ll cook it made to order when you’re too busy jerking your egg roll. And don’t get me started on the size of the portions…..

3) I know this really isn’t PUS’s fault, but the people that eat there are morons. Every time I go the line is out the fucking door, because there’s always some j-hole reading the menu and trying to decide what they want.

“Uhhhhh, what kind of white rice do you have?” This was how far back I was in line the last time I went there.

Seriously, every fricken time there will be some yuppie couple standing there asking whats in the beef and broccoli. Last time I went PUS was decent and gave me a discount and a free drink because the line was so fucking ridiculous and they knew I was there for a take-out (like your mom). Speaking of take-out, PUS is cheap as shit and the NEVER put napkins, soy sauce, etc… in your to-go bag unless you ask for them. I always have to ask for a spoon for my soup when I get it to-go – “No no, I don’t need a fucking spoon to drink scalding hot soup – just give me a fucking funnel”. Idiots. And don’t get me started on their orange chicken……