About Myrtle

It’s hard work being Myrtle.

Myrtle is a former city slicker that now lives and works in Shitville, and what makes it even worse – she works for The Man. And if that wasn’t enough, she lives on a ranch with three friends, two cats, and three dogs. The only thing that helps her through it all is her faith and devotion to our lord and savior, Morrissey.

Myrtle is always at crossroads when it comes to her likes and interests. The snooty cultured side is always playing tug of war with the trashy low brow side, and that ends up making some pretty strange combinations. She has read many classic books, but still wastes time and money on the tabloids. For a nice medium, she will read William Burroughs, Hunter S. Thompson, Charles Bukowski, Jim Goad, Alan Hess, Jim Heimann, Raymond Chandler, and Charles Phoenix.

Myrtle has no problem admitting that her low brow trashy side has completely taken over her taste in film. A sore point between Myrtle and her last boyfriend, she makes no qualms about not wanting to sit through another boring foreign film. If it doesn’t have large breasts, monsters, or exploitation – Myrtle is not interested. Examples are Dolemite, Massacre Mafia Style, Count Yorga, Pink Flamingos, Piranha, She-Devils on Wheels, Dr. Phibes 1 & 2, Up In Smoke, Car Wash, Reflections of Evil, Eating Raoul, compilations of old commercials and drive-in intermission clips, and underground bootleg mix DVD’s that have random clips of gross, weird, and funny stuff.

Television viewing habits are the following: SCTV, Dragnet, Adam-12,  The Soup, Mythbusters, Good Eats, Discovery Channel, Maury Povich, Adult Swim, VH1 Classic, MXC, COPS, Jeopardy, The First 48, Huell Howser, Design on a Dime, Modern Marvels, Unwrapped, Cheap Seats, WWE, Reno 911, South Park, Beavis and Butthead, Hot Seat with Wally George, Match Game, and true crime stuff. Myrtle also is a Dateline NBC fanatic, with To Catch a Predator being her favorite due to Chris Hansen’s smoove looks and charm.

Myrtle’s musical taste is extremely crazy. Basically, late 70’s/early 80’s modern rock, space pop, “easy listening” hits from the 50’s and 60’s, exotica, cool beat jazz, 70’s soul/disco/funk, glam rock, garage, good ol’ rock n’ roll, new wave, lounge, punk, oldies, goth, synth pop, old brit-pop, light industrial, basically anything that has a good beat. Some of Myrtle’s favorite performers are Morrissey, Devo, Sparks, Hall and Oates, GG Allin, New Order, Kool and the Gang, Art Laboe oldies, old Misfits (or anything with Glen Danzig), Alice Cooper, Editors, AIR, Dean Martin, Placebo, Ultravox! (early stuff with John Foxx), Zapp & Roger, Crystal Castles, and Sammy Hagar.

Myrtle also enjoys local history, with Los Angeles being her favorite subject. She also likes architecture, interior design, public history, estate sales, old cars, entertaining, playing music, cussing and being perverted, record collecting, sleeping, driving around with no destination in mind, photography, dancing to 80’s, painting, video games, advertisements, cartoons, Thai coffee, smoking cloves, fighting crime, BBQ, spending time with her friends, and spoiling her baby brother. She also writes in her spare time – having published and contributed to numerous zines and magazines, and has two finished novels that are sitting in her My Documents folder doing nothing.

Myrtle hates pretty much everything, but the specifics are bratty kids, old people driving, the public, wind, and dropping magazines in the toilet. Because of her abrasive personality and quirky interests, Myrtle has come to the conclusion that she will be by herself forever. But she wont be the “Crazy Cat Lady” – she wants to be the “Crazy Lady With A Bunch of Old Newspapers”.

Newspapers make less of a mess than cats.