(Super) Mario Mondays

And no, I’m not sick of this joke yet…..

Fat Ass Fridays

Please kill me.
It’s hard enough to be a fat girl.
And now we have this?
Because mumu’s weren’t enough?

This one is even more ridiculous.
Yes, I am overweight. But when the day comes when I can’t even bend over to wash my feet, I’m putting down the Beefaroni’s….

This [...]

Rib Sticking Good

I was reading the Dollar Stretcher again, and I came across (don’t worry, I cleaned it up) this question in the “Recipe” section (right below the now famous Homemade A1 Steak Sauce question):
“I was wondering if anyone has tips for making inexpensive oatmeal?”
AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
IF YOU CAN’T EVEN AFFORD OATMEAL, JUST CURL UP AND DIE ALREADY!!!!!!
But hark, [...]

Seriously Folks…..

I read this web page called The Dollar Stretcher (www.stretcher.com) because they have a lot of good ideas for crafts, entertaining, etc… It’s a good web page, but some of the people on it are soooooo fucking cheap ass. I saw this question asked in the Recipes section:
“We love A1 sauce, but it is so [...]

Who likes Ramen?

While going through folders on my computer, I found the folder that had all of my “food writing”. And because I’m fat, it made me hungry.
Let me explain – years and years ago, I used do a MySpace page called “The Ghetto Gourmet” and I would write stories, reviews, complaints, recipes, whatever, as long as [...]

Summer Bums, make me feel fine….

So what the fuck is up with these Summer Bums?
I’ve been seeing more and more “homeless” people begging for money, but they don’t even look fucking homeless!

Pick Up Stix Shitz

Healthy Chinese food is such an oxy-moron, like “jumbo shrimp” and “Armenian with a big cock”. Homemade Chinese food is pretty decent for you , but fast food Chinese food is such a fucking joke – you might as well throw fried noodles on a salt lick.
“YOU EAT EGGRO NOWWWWW!”
Pick Up Stix (hereby referred [...]

Things That Myrtle Hates

1) People that use dirt bikes as legitimate means of transportation.
2) Fat guys that have attitude. I can’t tell you how many fat guys I’ve gone out with that had the nerve to criticize my weight. Or like the guy in the ice cream aisle at the grocery store that was blocking the aisle – [...]

Another day, another tax payer dollar….

So Myrtle has had a really shitty day.
The Myrt Mobile took a major shit, and it put Myrtle in a majorly shitty mood.
And I’m dead tired.
And I’m super horny.
So when I get like this, I like to treat myself to something good….

A Bug Story…..

As soon as Matt came home from work, I marched into the main house with my hand on my hip and said -
“We need a bug zapper!”
“Guh?” said Matt as he sat on the filthy flowered couch with one of his shaved bitches.